Happy Birthday to Me!!

OK, I'm convinced Mother Nature has screwed up her calendar! I'm not this old.....why, just yesterday my family was amazed by the invention of the Polaroid camera. It actually developed the picture while you looked at it. Of course, it was always way too dark, but still....instant pics, just like magic. I have many high school friends and others my age who have grandkids. How can they?? We're not that old.


Every year on my birthday, I follow the same ritual (which began when I was about 30-something). I run straight to the mirror, and spend a good 10 minutes examining my face for signs of aging. Is there a slight crease there that wasn't there yesterday? Did I sprout a mustache overnight? Hmmm....that wrinkle looks a little deeper today than it did last week. Uh-oh, my crow's feet look more like ostrich footprints. Is that a new freckle from using those wonderful shiny silver tanning blankets back when I was in high school? Complete with the baby oil/betadine combo to assure a deep, dark tropical tan.

So after you hit 30....then 40....things slow down. Every day you get up and another body part seems to have fallen off or malfunctioned. You know where every clean restroom is for a 50-mile radius. Your list of doctors has their own section in your cell phone. You start counting down till you can claim that "you're 50 and you're old so we give you a discount" that some stores offer. You wondered why granny always complained about her back hurting, or her knees, or the arthritis in her gnarled hands. Now you know. A child has no perception at all of what pain is. You just can't fathom foot pain until you've had it. If you want to find out what it's like, I highly recommend a career in nursing. Just a few short years of 12+ hour shifts on your feet, and you will have it, along with a bonus of swollen feet and those funny little spider veins. Your feet will look like a roadmap of Los Angeles. But it is excellent bladder training. You learn to hold it until you sit down (for the first time) at 4:00 to eat lunch. You also learn to eat when you're not hungry, just because it's convenient. Now you know why nurses wear elastic waist scrubs. It's a growing profession in more ways than one.

Time to go to bed. Yes, I'm a year older....but it sure does beat the alternative!!